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Same-sex couples and parenthood

As we celebrate Pride month, today we look at parenting options for female couples.

For most of human history, except for the odd revolution, human societal values changed very slowly over time. For instance, in the UK, most Victorians from 1850 would have felt pretty much at home in 1950s Britain, apart from being aghast at the odd magazine advert depicting a woman in her stockings!

But that’s not true of the years since 1965. The sexual revolution of the 1960s was a function of many threads coming together: female emancipation, female empowerment in the workplace and the decoupling of sexual desire from child-bearing driven by the advent of the contraceptive pill and, in certain regions, its availability on national health service.

The sexual revolution, momentous in itself unleashed powerful societal forces including feminism and civil rights, which in turn led to other no less powerful revolutions in racial and sexual emancipation.

Can it really be that even in our parents’ day, homosexuality was a crime under the law in many civilised countries? The 60s and 70s saw the end of that nonsense in the west, but it is still a terrific challenge in many places in the world.

The revolution in assisted reproduction technology (ART), heralded by the birth of the first test-tube baby in 1978, also offered new options to those freed by the social revolutions of the 1960s and 1970s. Notably single women and same-sex individuals/couples. There was no reason why these people should not have access to the same technology that provides an opportunity for that most profound of human experience, the reciprocal love of bringing up a child.

Nowadays, for same-sex couples wishing to become parents, there are more options available than ever before. Advances in technology along with knowledge of fertility treatment becoming more widespread means that it is becoming increasingly common for same-sex couples to turn to IVF clinics to help them start a family.

Obviously, there are differences in the requirements between male-male couples and female-female couples with regard to ART.

For females the two main options for same-sex couples undergoing fertility treatment are intra-uterine insemination (IUI) and in-vitro fertilisation (IVF). IUI involves monitoring the cycle until the eggs are fully mature before injecting donor sperm into the womb at the time of ovulation. In IVF, on the other hand, eggs are removed from the ovaries and fertilised outside the body before being placed in the womb.

IUI and IVF both come with their own set of benefits and disadvantages. IUI is often the first choice of fertility treatment for female same-sex couples because it is shorter in duration, less expensive and less invasive than IVF. On the downside, IUI may be less successful than IVF, with around a 20% success rate for women under 35 compared to a 40% success rate for IVF.

One of the biggest decisions for same-sex females when undergoing fertility treatment is deciding which partner will undergo treatment. Sometimes this is simply determined by a fertility test, the partner offering the most chance of success is the obvious choice. But there are other options when fertility success is equal between the partners. For instance they have the option of one partner donating the eggs while the other partner carries the embryo, making the pregnancy a truly shared experience.

Another major decision for female couples is selecting the donor sperm. Sperm donors can be either known or anonymous, with known donors tending to be male friends and/or family members. Again, there are some refinements that can apply to this choice for same-sex female couples. For instance, sometimes a relative of the partner who is not undergoing treatment will donate sperm so that both partners can share a genetic heritage with the child. Alternatively, sperm from an anonymous donor may be obtained from a selection of clinics and sperm banks. The information available about the donor will vary from region to region, in the UK only data on the donor’s height, ethnicity, hair and eye colour is available and the donor remains anonymous until any child born turns 18. Recipients also have the option to purchase sperm from regions other than where they reside.

Legal factors

The laws of parenthood vary from region to region, usually at national level, although you often find that countries in the same region such as Western Europe have similar rules. For same-sex couples, rules on parenthood are a natural follow-on from laws regarding marriage and partnership. In the UK, for instance:

  • A child’s birth mother will automatically be their legal parent when they are born, even if they are not their biological mother
  • A child’s second legal parent, at birth, will depend on the circumstances at the time of their conception. The birth mother’s civil partner or spouse will be considered legal parent, and can be named on the birth certificate, if they were married or civil partners at the time of conception.

If the same-sex couple are not married, or in a civil partnership, and the child is conceived in a UK registered clinic the birth mother can also sign an agreement through the clinic to name her partner as second legal parent. However, if the child is conceived outside of a UK registered clinic, the partner of the birth mother has to apply separately to adopt the child in order to be registered as the second parent.

So this illustration from the UK underlines the importance of same-sex couples researching the issue in their own region/state, as well as options in other regions in order to make sure that all legal issues with regard to parenthood meet with their satisfaction.

Are special tests & consents needed for same-sex couples?

Not really, apart from the usual tests and screenings, both partners will also usually have to complete a number of consent forms at the clinic prior to treatment, which confirm parenthood and specify what will happen to any genetic material in the event of separation or death.

Emotional and spiritual implications

Bringing a child into the world is an emotional and spiritual experience; studies tell us that undergoing ART treatment can be a psychological rollercoaster. And with fertility treatment, whether we like to face it or not, there is always the possibility that it might not succeed. With same-sex female couples there is also sometimes the added complication that only one parent will have a genetic connection to the child unless, as mentioned above, donor sperm is obtained from a relative of the other partner. This is why many experts suggest that for same-sex couples, as with all couples using donor gametes, implications counselling is required with a trained counsellor BEFORE undergoing treatment.

Please click here for our recent new story on trends in same sex couple parenting.